It is 2020, and life brought me from a century to another, and now from a decade to another. Have I lived an amazing life? You can’t even phantom how much I enjoyed my time and how much have I done with my time. All this amazingness and now, I’m contemplating a new life. While I enjoyed my time very much so far on earth, I am re-prioritizing my time in another direction. Mainly, because I am tired of being used. I always believed in the best of people, however I am not as blind as my actions tend to suggest. I am aware everybody looks after their own interests and I am always aware people in general are very selfish, surprisingly. I say surprisingly because I always expected that deep down, people help people, but they rarely do. Everybody has interest in their words, and even “inspiration”, “influencers” and all the rest of the bullshit people come at a cost, one that premeditates every good intention behind their supposedly good spirits. People gloat on the idea of fame, attention and money. They are driven by it, and if there was a way to do it anonymously, nobody would do it. For what reason? To truly help others? What a laughable suggestion!

So, I came, and I passed another decade and I figured it is now time to induce real change in this world. One that cannot be erased, and one that will offset these shallow ambitions of the general population. I will always remain anonymous because I don’t seek fame nor recognition. I seek only to share my words of wisdom and my idea of different, as I don’t care how you see me, nor what you bring to me. I do all of this without any followers without any marketing, without any ambitions. I do it for the odd balls like me that are looking for a familiar face, for a familiar feeling and for a friend that would do anything for a stranger like themselves. Yes, I am truly that and more, but it does come at a cost for me, one that I only understand. I feel alone in my battle and I struggle to understand how barely anyone cares about anything other than themselves. This has been highlighted to an extreme with the rise of social media networks. Yet, no one bats an eye about it. Now it’s all about me, me and me. The idea that everyone is perfect, and everyone is right. The idea that people are fighting for justice, for equality, for freedom: what a joke. And maybe you might say I’m not fair to characterize everyone like this, however I am not. There are odd balls, like me and many more, but we keep to ourselves since to even think this way, we are destroying people’s illusion that they are perfect. Sure, you stay perfect and I’ll just hide here with my odd balls.

Now, back to basics. How will I change my ways to become something else? I will give 110% of myself now, to get to the top and then back to the bottom. It is an interesting idea, but one that will sense in the following sentences. To destroy this idea of selfishness, I must rise to the top of this pack of sheep, and then disrupt the system to give hope to all those that are afraid to step forward. It’s easy to say I will rise to the top; however, I have planned this my whole life. I understand I will have to sacrifice my time to achieve this and that I will have to sacrifice myself as well in this battle. What does this entail? I will dedicate my life to chase success, then money, then power and from there, I will give everything back to those that don’t have a voice. I might be unsuccessful, and I might not do this as simply as I plan it, but I will try my best to honour the voice in my heart that seeks to drive change positively. I will play their games; however I will re-create and force people to reflect upon what they do, and especially why they do it. I will provide choices, platforms, social media networks, opportunity and everything else I can think of to help those that truly wish to live free of fears, and happy. It’s a lot of “I will” but what can I do with words. My words are only good as my audience is, and at this stage, I have no audience therefore my words are empty I guess, but that is what makes them beautiful. They are mine, and they signify me talking to myself and having this discussion as if I was the only reader. I always stated and I state it again: first and most, these words are for me, then everybody else that desire them. I write to myself so I can follow my thoughts and reflections, so I can keep track on who I am and when I need it, I can remind myself on the purity of my heart. Choice is what drives all of us, but not everybody feels like they have a lot of choices in life. I am living proof that we can choose anything, and we can do it for the reasons we define. I don’t need the world, and I hope to god that the world doesn’t need me, as I hope I am wrong about my instincts and observations. I just hope in this all, that people do it for the reasons they pretend to, as I hope for myself as well. I’ve seen dark days and I’ve seen bright nights, we are all capable of all the things we hope never to. That is life, and our lives are defined by the actions we take. My actions speak for myself. I live in the shadows, I help everyone I can without ever wanted to even be in the spotlight. I hope I can convince myself I am capable of being selfless and do things because of the principle and not because of a hidden agenda in my heart.

Are you like me? Is there anyone out there that shares this feeling of being alone and different? I am certain there are souls like me, but even the closest to me have demonstrated greed and tolerance only if it fits their shoes. Are we truly the worst of the worst? Maybe, but I hope to god we can be different too if we realized it. My words are the only things that are mine, and even that gets taken away at times. I say some things, and even that gets transformed into something else that fits more other shoes because they want to believe that. I am doomed but not hopeless. I will always fight in this life to be better, to be pure. If you are like me, give me a sign that I am not alone, so I too can have some hope too that all of this wasn’t for anything. I have always and always will give a 110% for you. Just I must do more, because I am only one and only one of me can do so little for all of you. Thank you for being there, whoever that might be, even if it’s just my reflection on a paper.